Strangers stare at the two of you when you walk hand-in-hand down the street.
Friends ask questions about “those people” and family members say they fear for your future mixed-race children.
And while it’s important to be willing to talk to your partner about race and to feel comfortable bringing it up, it’s just as important to be willing to step back and recognize when your whiteness is intrusive. I’ve been the “But I love you, and you love me, and why can’t you share this with me? Because it’s really difficult to watch your partner hurt and not be let in. Maybe it isn’t appropriate for your partner to take you home to meet their parents.
Maybe it isn’t even appropriate for your partner to talk to their family at all about their dating life.
As a woman, I know that sometimes talking about gender with a male partner – even if he’s well versed in all things feminist – can feel exhausting.
Sometimes I don’t want to chat with someone who only has a theoretical understanding of gender oppression.
Some are amazing, while others aren't exactly the most positive, but I still wouldn't give it up for the world.
That is, unless you count my first boyfriend – José – who, in the second grade, long-distance collect-called me from Puerto Rico and got me in a lot of trouble with my dad. But I think it’s worth revisiting these concepts within the context of romantic or sexual relationships. And the way we practice our allyship in those contexts should reflect that.
While it’s okay for conversations about white supremacy to make you uncomfortable (hey, we should be uncomfortable with that shit), being generally aware of how race plays out and feeling fairly well versed in Being honest about the ways in which race is complex – both inside and outside of your relationship – shows a willingness to engage with a part of your partner’s identity and experience in a way that really holds them.In today’s melting-pot society, you could easily argue (i.e.lie to yourself) that interracial dating isn't a problem.Long after this ruling, interracial couples were still harassed and discriminated against.And, yes, it still happens to interracial couples today.